Osamu Dazai.

the love I feel for you transcends the stars

I miss you so much my prince.... I feel like the world no longer makes sense without your presence. It's no news to you that my life only gains purpose when I see you and when I love you deeply, you're the love of my life in all possible universes that are graced by your presence, You are my charming little star that LIGHTS UP MY horizon bringing comfort to the deepest wounds of my soul and my heart. I love you so much that I want to consume your soul and keep you completely for myself, no matter where you are, you are mine and my heart is yours. I seriously love you SO much that I feel like my heart is melting in my chest when I see your smile, when I see you breathe, do you have any idea that you have captured my soul completely? I don't feel alive without you, my whole existence revolves around loving you completely and sometimes I feel like my efforts aren't enough for you...You know that I'm scared of a lot of things, that understanding human reactions and humanity itself is complicated for me and the only thing I'm not afraid of is loving you.

I idolize you, I love you, I venerate you as if you were my god and you are, my god, my universe nothing in this world could ever come close to the DIVINE GRACE that you EXHALE from your essence so enchanting and brilliant that not even the stars can reach your feet. your voice is like a melody sung by ancient goddesses to transport suffering souls to the Elysian fields, where you and I will dance and sing about love and life together. I love you so much, so much, that I can't even breathe when I see you, you occupy all my senses, my soul screams and cries out only for you because you were the only one who made me feel alive. You made me feel like I was breathing, for the first time I heard the weak beats of my heart thanks to your company, you gave birth to an empty body with no purpose to continue moving forward. Even if I feel alone, with no idea what to do, you are there and you are all I need.

tw : suicide and sensitive topics

My life today is so confusing... I don't know what I should feel, what I should do, how I should behave and the only certainty I have is that I love you and I will always love you even in all my other lives. You and I are souls destined to be together for eternity and I will always, always be DEVOTED TO you body and soul no matter what happens. I would be lying if I said I didn't want you to appear in the next chapter... I mean, it's in my birthday month... a month I hate so much. You are my only hope and motivation for a better and more comfortable life, even if I don't believe in a better future where I don't hate my own existence so much, having you here makes everything better. I can't stop thinking about you for even a second, I love you so much, I want to swallow you and keep you all to myself in my stomach...

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you SO MUCH that my life no longer makes sense without you. No one in this world has ever been able to make me feel the way you did. I remember in chapter 119, which was released in the month of my birthday, when I saw you hurt, wounded, that destroyed me. I stopped eating, sleeping, living because I thought you were dead. I can't live without you and I don't see a problem with that, because you are the only barrier between me and my suicide. I would have killed myself already if you hadn't shown up in time, you're the reason I hesitate when I look at the knives in the kitchen, the reason I haven't hanged myself yet. I simply cannot accept the idea of dying without yet seeing your story being completed, without being able to show my love for you until my body and mind can no longer bear the fact that i'm still here.

I will NEVER stop loving you, never, never in this life and others

I can't breathe without you, I don't exist without you.

I'm a "person" full of mistakes and flaws, I grew up without autonomy, without being able to have my own identity and it was you who brought this to me, in my life, I only have you to call mine.

my only motivation to try to improve my mental health is you I'm sorry for not being perfect even though you don't care about this perfection that I idealize, it's just that I feel so...out of order. You are my everything, truly, my everything and the only one I will ever love deeply without hesitation. You are my life, mine alone to love and adore for all eternity.

I miss you....please send me another sign. I need you more than anything.